i spent a really long time embroidering this hell yeah
green thread on napkin
gay gay gay gay gay
girls girls girls girls girls girls girls
gay gay gay gay gay
"don’t be sad!"
"you’re as happy as you choose to be!"
sickness is not a choice
i couldn’t just think about pneumonia leaving my body and have it gone,
and my mouth is sewn shut and doesn’t let in food,
how do i explain that?
i’m sick you fuck this isn’t my fault
this is kind of stupid and pointless and a little bad but it was cute and fun so
pretty rough, but i kept seeing these kinds of poetry but very sad. nothing wrong with being sad and making sad poetry but i wanted to make something positive, a reminder to myself.
numbers are so important. when things are rough and turbulent and there’s a storm laughing in my ear i can rely on numbers. the clock by my bed, the clock on my phone, the clock in my watch, the clock in my brain. the numbers as they tick by in my head and the steps as i walk through school. with each click on the tile there’s another 1. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. each step sounds out the number and it echoes in my head.
when anxiety crawls under my skin and creeps behind my eyes i can count the waves of blood in my ears. 5, 6, 7, 8.
number of class period, 7. 7 classes 9-4:15. the 15 shouldn’t be there and i think about it at 4:00 and my skin crawls.
when i breathe i breathe in numbers. every breath sounds like a number and it keeps me breathing. 9, 10, 11, 12.
playground rhymes as i drive by school. 1 2 3 4 shut the front door 5 6 7 8 try to keep your room straight
numbers are good because they all add up to one thing. you can put them together and they add up to a sum. peanut butter and jelly blend together but they’re a mess. 1 and 3 are a clean 4.
numbers gotta end in 0 or be a palindrome. 1221 is a good number and it sings me to sleep. 1221 sings the song of forests and light through trees. 321 is peppermint and red ribbons. 006 is out of tune but harmonious.
i write numbers on my arms and pen them into desks. i keep all the thin paper slips from fortune cookies and stick them in my pockets. important important important. numbers keep me grounded numbers give a place where everything is clear and simplicity runs free. it’s a shame that i’m so bad a math.